Why I'm Single

The other day a guy I've known for most of my life looked at me quizzically and asked, "Why are you single?" The question came after he complimented my looks and asked whether I was in a relationship. I quickly replied that I was picky and the conversation shifted to something else. Then it sat with me. Beyond the fact that society imposes a monogamous relationship as the pinnacle of happiness (ha!) I don't feel many qualms about being single.

Leggings: Reitmans | Boots: Ecco | Purse: Aldo | Jacket: Ebay 

A friend noted that on social media my jokes about not being in a relationship seemed sad. So of course I halted all, 'I'm the funny-single-girl' tweets (although I still hit up the snap) and this Valentines day I asked myself, "Elaisha, why are you really single?"

A piece by Natalie Joos (aka Tales of Endearment), An Ill-Fated Attempt at Finding Love in the Hamptons(published and read by me in 2013) stuck with me for years. Joos—a stylish and beautiful casting agent—spilled the details on her experience with a bratty guy who couldn't see past his own ego to overcome a misunderstanding, before their first date. What made it so vividly memorable was that I could relate. From rejecting a guy or even showing interest...he (like any person) could just go off of the rails about something that could never warrant a mean or heated response. Yet it's happened over and over to me and several of my close friends. Nobody's got time for that. While I maintain a tough-guy front (see comfy biker boots and band t-shirt above) I'm actually quite sensitive. Facing constant ridicule from a partner without reason would hurt and make me close off.

Last month I watched a touching video produced by SoulPancake, which featured a roundtable of men who shared their emotions and experiences and asked each other questions. One guy said something I've repeated to several friends since. He (I'm paraphrasing) said that solely wanting 'the chase' objectifies the person you were going after into a prized possession. It's problematic to think, getting the person that doesn't want you gives you value.

It wasn't something I consciously did but it happened many times over. When I really looked back and reflected I thought, maybe I did want the conquest to give me value. I chose to want guys who didn't feel the same way or really valued me. Because if I could change their minds then I'd prove something; maybe to myself or others. But it never worked.

For now I'll just stick to learning how to open my heart to the right people and making fire playlists that I can listen to with the Sony MDR-100AAP's. I've got a fun trip coming up soon, so look out for a travel review of these babies.

If you're cool with sharing, answer: why are you single?

*Some products used in this post were provided free of charge, all opinions are my own.